I haven't tried what you propose since my view is different.
I am more interested in how to get past the fear of rejection - how to get to making the phone call you did before[ending too much time wondering whether she will call?
At the end of the day - it's not the rejection itself that hurts. It's the fear of rejection and the soft let down. I much rather prefer the direct rejection since it's clear and provides closure.
Krish, I think it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem. It’s hard to lose the fear without trying, and it’s hard to try while the fear is still there. But at some point something has to give. Sometimes you just do it knowing fully well there’s a 50% chance it might not go your way. And even if it doesn’t, at least you know you tried, right? In my experience, confidence doesn’t come from waiting until we feel ready, it comes from doing the thing repeatedly, even when we don’t feel 100% ready yet.
Yeah, I think this is exactly the issue these days - that men simply are too worried about the other 50% to give it their best shot. They are worried about what it says about them when in fact it says nothing at all about them but everything about the other person.
When we tie our identity to the approval or disapproval of the people around us, it results in our worrying about whether we are good enough, do we make enough money, are we attractive enough, did we say the right thing, did we choose the right restaurant, etc etc. and I think thats where the fear of rejection comes from as well as the pain experienced from the actual fact of being rejected if one does choose to put oneself out there.
Being authentic and letting our authentic self drive attraction and repulsion as well as just figuring out whether we are attracted to the other person and let the other person choose us for what we are would be better but there in lies the rub.
Naturally, I am not advocating men being a****les because that is authentic, just not creating a facade that is bound to break down later.
Yes, our stories can be debilitating sometimes, and I've found that being able to see the fact for what it is helps. And agree with you about authenticity being a more sustainable strategy.
I haven't tried what you propose since my view is different.
I am more interested in how to get past the fear of rejection - how to get to making the phone call you did before[ending too much time wondering whether she will call?
At the end of the day - it's not the rejection itself that hurts. It's the fear of rejection and the soft let down. I much rather prefer the direct rejection since it's clear and provides closure.
Krish, I think it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem. It’s hard to lose the fear without trying, and it’s hard to try while the fear is still there. But at some point something has to give. Sometimes you just do it knowing fully well there’s a 50% chance it might not go your way. And even if it doesn’t, at least you know you tried, right? In my experience, confidence doesn’t come from waiting until we feel ready, it comes from doing the thing repeatedly, even when we don’t feel 100% ready yet.
Yeah, I think this is exactly the issue these days - that men simply are too worried about the other 50% to give it their best shot. They are worried about what it says about them when in fact it says nothing at all about them but everything about the other person.
When we tie our identity to the approval or disapproval of the people around us, it results in our worrying about whether we are good enough, do we make enough money, are we attractive enough, did we say the right thing, did we choose the right restaurant, etc etc. and I think thats where the fear of rejection comes from as well as the pain experienced from the actual fact of being rejected if one does choose to put oneself out there.
Being authentic and letting our authentic self drive attraction and repulsion as well as just figuring out whether we are attracted to the other person and let the other person choose us for what we are would be better but there in lies the rub.
Naturally, I am not advocating men being a****les because that is authentic, just not creating a facade that is bound to break down later.
Yes, our stories can be debilitating sometimes, and I've found that being able to see the fact for what it is helps. And agree with you about authenticity being a more sustainable strategy.